If you thought men are cold-blooded and do not give a hoot after a woman bolts from their lives, you should think again. They may not cry over the spilt milk (or is it slit skirt), but they will nonetheless feel the pain if their lungula mate calls it off. When that happens, a dumped dude is likely to do the following:
1. Throw a ‘detox’ party
‘I was like a caged bird after all,’ the man would say with a ‘good riddance’ tone. If it is end-month, this would be the best time to spoil the boys with binge boozing. They would even borrow money if that’s what it takes to finance the booze party. This is the best forum for the dumped dude to unleash horror stories of his ex. The party would invariably end with a uniform resolution: Akwende, pepo nyeusi!
‘I was like a caged bird after all,’ the man would say with a ‘good riddance’ tone. If it is end-month, this would be the best time to spoil the boys with binge boozing. They would even borrow money if that’s what it takes to finance the booze party. This is the best forum for the dumped dude to unleash horror stories of his ex. The party would invariably end with a uniform resolution: Akwende, pepo nyeusi!
2. Backslide to all evils she hated
Men will awaken all the demons the ex had condemned; stumbling in drunk at 3am, grabbing a packet of cereals and eating in his underwear. She used to curse smoking? Packets of cancer sticks will be stocked inside the toilet, on top of the fridge, in the cracks of the sofa...virtually everywhere, and he would smoke the hell out of them.
Men will awaken all the demons the ex had condemned; stumbling in drunk at 3am, grabbing a packet of cereals and eating in his underwear. She used to curse smoking? Packets of cancer sticks will be stocked inside the toilet, on top of the fridge, in the cracks of the sofa...virtually everywhere, and he would smoke the hell out of them.
3. Contact yellowing exes
This is the time men take their phonebooks seriously. Who said they burnt bridges with old flames? Even if they did, they can build them again, right? Their ego is at stake and they must prove to the woman who has walked out of their life that, ‘I am not desperate for you after all.’
This is the time men take their phonebooks seriously. Who said they burnt bridges with old flames? Even if they did, they can build them again, right? Their ego is at stake and they must prove to the woman who has walked out of their life that, ‘I am not desperate for you after all.’
4. Time for wardrobe change
The woman has probably told the whole ‘hood how the man was a wretch - so irresponsible that he cannot wash his underwear. She is gone now. This is the time the man will go on a spending spree to make the woman ‘regret why she left this organised man.’
The woman has probably told the whole ‘hood how the man was a wretch - so irresponsible that he cannot wash his underwear. She is gone now. This is the time the man will go on a spending spree to make the woman ‘regret why she left this organised man.’
5. Pumping iron at the gym
The man will hit the gym with two objectives: First, to tone muscles into shape and lure the woman back, but not that he will accept her. It is just to redeem his self-esteem and, secondly, to curse the woman with every fist he throws at the punching bag!
The man will hit the gym with two objectives: First, to tone muscles into shape and lure the woman back, but not that he will accept her. It is just to redeem his self-esteem and, secondly, to curse the woman with every fist he throws at the punching bag!
6. No changing of bedsheets
Long after the woman is gone, there will hardly be the recurrent changing of bedsheets. The bed remains unmade with creased and crumpled sheets.
Long after the woman is gone, there will hardly be the recurrent changing of bedsheets. The bed remains unmade with creased and crumpled sheets.
7. Stalk the ex on Facebook
This is the time for men to prove that they are getting along well. All Facebook updates must talk about fun and be accompanied by a photo that speaks 1,000 words. He’ll then tag the ex on photos of him with a woman he knows the girlfriend couldn’t stand.
This is the time for men to prove that they are getting along well. All Facebook updates must talk about fun and be accompanied by a photo that speaks 1,000 words. He’ll then tag the ex on photos of him with a woman he knows the girlfriend couldn’t stand.
8. Make out with his ex’s friend
‘There is this hot friend of my ex, she is not bad for a one-night stand,’ the man will say after summoning his heart to a private meeting. He will use this chance to tell her how ‘your friend is good for nothing.’ Then he will ensure the ex knows this.
‘There is this hot friend of my ex, she is not bad for a one-night stand,’ the man will say after summoning his heart to a private meeting. He will use this chance to tell her how ‘your friend is good for nothing.’ Then he will ensure the ex knows this.
9. ‘Club Keja’
For some men, a breakup is time to regroup. They will ditch everything including drinking buddies and all the joints he visited with the ex and stay inside ‘Club Keja’ listening to Doing Just Fine by Boys II Men while sipping a 12-year-old whisky.
For some men, a breakup is time to regroup. They will ditch everything including drinking buddies and all the joints he visited with the ex and stay inside ‘Club Keja’ listening to Doing Just Fine by Boys II Men while sipping a 12-year-old whisky.
10. Awakening inner demons
If the man had invested his all in what turned out to have been a good-for-nothing chick, then he might decide to retaliate by plotting for breaking as many hearts as he can as part of his Vision 2030!
If the man had invested his all in what turned out to have been a good-for-nothing chick, then he might decide to retaliate by plotting for breaking as many hearts as he can as part of his Vision 2030!